Radiation day 5 (20 to go). I had my first weekly check-in with the radiation oncologist, Antell. quite a character. Reminds me each time I see him more and more of Bob Percival. I don't think many of you reading this blog know Bob. He was at EDF w/ me and then became a professor at University of Maryland Law School. He's a bit awkward around people because he's beyond smart. Bob was a Supreme Court law clerk; Antell announced to us during our first interview that he'd been #1 at Penn Medical School. But, also very shy. So he forgets to look at you when he's talking until, all of a sudden, a brain wave fires, and he looks up and makes eye contact ("oh right. I'm supposed to connect.") And he's also half talking to himself, out loud, during at least half of the conversation.
Next week, I'm supposed to bring Bill to the check in because the Doc wants to show Bill how cool the treatment plan they did for me really is. Because I'm not an engineer, apparently, I can't really appreciate the magnificence of what they did. Actually, he showed me a couple slides and it's pretty cool. Sadly, it also reveals that there's at least one part of my arm bone that is being directly exposed to the beam and will thus be at a higher risk of shatter down the road, weakened by the radiation. Not that I don't know two women who have shattered their wrists/arm bones from that fall, the one where you put out your hand to stop yourself. And neither of them had had radiation, so who knows how much worse the treatment makes this. Just have to be careful. And, because I'm me and not my husband, that will not less hard. But, because I'm me, and therefore more of a spaz, than my husband, it will also be harder.
Antell and I did have a conversation about how the cross cut images of the way the radiation beams bend around the bone is so beautiful it's art. He seemed shocked that this had occurred to me. But I told him that there are websites with art done by sarcoma (and other cancer survivors) of their cells. For example, see, http://blog.tedmed.com/?p=3491. Amazing how anything can be beautiful in the hands of an artist. Black and white photos of mill tailings or Salgado's workers toiling in the copper mines. Photos of cancer cell stains.
As hoped, my anxiety level has gone down over the course of the week, although I still get a spike during treatment -- more right after than going in. But, at least today, that spike is less than the spike caused by looking at my son's current academic standing. Or my husband's reaction to looking at the on-line school site regarding Ben's homework and class status. Suffice to say that the situation is dire. And Ben's blaming it on stress (from the flood, but also from this cancer. And from the high school transition). Of course, the fact that Ben's had trouble getting his homework in on time for as long as he's had to turn such in doesn't seem to get mentioned. Which is part of what is driving his father crazy. And, for this -- perhaps unique amongst all of the aspects of dealing with Ben -- I'm being allowed to play the good cop. So ironic!
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